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As a former teacher and principal I have disciplined many students. Most incidents have been very short and to the point, like 'stop that' or 'don't do that'. And, I have to admit, I do not remember most of the experiences. The disciplinary actions I do remember usually have to do with very major incidents that were rules that were severely broken.
I do, however, remember an incident that to me was very minor, but to the girl involved it was very major to her. I would have forgotten this incident had it not been brought to my attention that the girl was very upset with me about the situation.
Here is sort of how it played out: On a normal day at Dahlgren Grade School I would be present everywhere in the school. I usually walked through the buildings several times and would stop and help in the gym for duty either at P.E. or recess at lunch.
At lunch recess in the gym one day I was watching at one end of the gym and briefly told a student to stop what she was doing. It was a very minor incident, like pushing or something, that I thought was unsafe. I immediately forgot about the incident and then proceeded to watch other students as I walked around the gym during recess. However, the student did not forget the incident. In fact, another staff member noticed that she was visibly upset later in the day and she asked her what was wrong. She said, " Why does Mr. Pryer always talk and show attention to all the bullies and mean kids? And he never speaks to me unless it is to 'get onto me'."
This particular student was a very well behaved girl that teachers would all like to have a classroom that is full of students just like her. She had noticed that I had been focusing most of my attention on the behavior problems of the school. What this made me realize was that I should have been focusing more of my attention on the well behaved students. I should have been engaging myself in conversations and activities with the good students of Dahlgren Grade School more than I had been. As a result I began to try to be present in each and every student's day by giving eye contact or speaking to all of them on a daily basis.
I think that as an educator and a parent I had focused too much on negative behavior and should have been paying more attention to reinforcing good behavior in students and also in noticing students who seemed to be down and out for the day. This incident made me examine my whole life and how I treat others. I really had not helped the 'mean' kids by focusing on them so much. And I definitely had not helped the 'good' or 'normal' students by ignoring them.
Just by smiling, saying some kind words, and being present in others' daily lives, we can improve on the way we treat others. This is something that I work on daily and I feel that I fail daily with.
